


Kingdom Come

by riverkitty



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, But also, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Make Up, Park Chanyeol Being an Asshole, Protect Baekhyun pls, Romance, Smut, Soft Park Chanyeol, Toxic Relationships, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and also, before I forget, he is a total softie, oh and, petnames
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 04:08:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30100095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverkitty/pseuds/riverkitty
Summary: The indifferent look in Chanyeol's eyes hurts Baekhyun a little too much.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Body Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to this one whole mess of an emotional fic! This is the first time I'm actually publishing my work so please bear with me! English is also not my first language but I try my best T^T. I hope you enjoy this!

**¸.*♡*.¸**

_ “As if you’re looking for the right time, your fingers look anxious. _

_ Those fingertips tell me that today is the end.” _

**¸.*♡*.¸**

Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol had the perfect relationship. It goes with no doubt that these two people fit together like pieces in a perfect puzzle. People who knew them would say it was fate and that they were soulmates made just for each other.

Everyone envied them and the happy relationship they had. People envied Chanyeol for having the “cutest, sweetest and most adoring boyfriend” while people envied Baekhyun for having the “most caring, protective and thoughtful” boyfriend. 

Having met at the young age of 14 and 16 as friends, Baekhyun and Chanyeol sure have had plenty of time to get to know each other before they jumped into a more serious relationship in college. They knew each other well like the back of their palms. Every like and dislike, comforts and pet peeves were listed at the back of their brains like vital memory. 

Whenever people asked Baekhyun why he loved Chanyeol, his answer would be, “ _ Chanyeol makes it so easy to fall in love with him. He’s...I don’t know he’s everything I’ve always wanted and I’m just...I’m just Baekhyun. _ ” His friends would then proceed to coo at the fidgeting boy as he talked about his feelings for Chanyeol. Some would groan and say he was being a cringey sappy shit though they liked it anyway. 

Had they been in the movies, Baekhyun and Chanyeol would get the Campus Couple title. It was only fitting when everybody knew they were together and head over heels for each other. 

Chanyeol knew everything about Baekhyun. He knew the younger boy’s funny secrets, his deepest desires, his longings, his past, things that gave him panic attacks and what would comfort him when he had them. It was also undeniable that Baekhyun could be read like a book. The younger boy had always worn his feelings on his sleeves after all.

And at this very moment, as Chanyeol watches his lover cling onto him like a koala hanging onto a branch where a furious stream of water flowed right below, he felt his heart melt into a puddle. The smaller was holding onto Chanyeol like his life depended on it and it made him feel so much emotions at once.

It was a late weekend night, Chanyeol and Baekhyun decided to spend this free time together in their shared apartment. They’ve been cuddling for who knows how long but when they talked and shared stuff about their lives, it was so easy to not get bored. They would listen to each other so intently, even more than they would listen to their professors. 

So when Chanyeol had talked about a girl from his block who had tried to hit on him, he immediately regretted it when Baekhyun looked away.

“I-is she pretty?” He asks dismissively, diverting his gaze to a random thing in the room, ultimately choosing to drill holes on the poor puppy toy Chanyeol had gotten him before. 

“Well she was...but that’s not the point—”

“Do you like her?” The moment Baekhyun had said that, Chanyeol knew the younger was back into this self-deprecating mood where he just chose to despise every quality he had. Times when he would let his own insecurities win over logic and continuously put himself in lower regards. It was something Baekhyun had always done and it never failed to completely baffle Chanyeol how his boyfriend who was so perfect, so endearing and so beautiful would ever come to think he wasn’t enough.

“Baby, listen—” Chanyeol exhales, reaching out to grab Baekhyun by the waist, effortlessly pulling him over his lap. “I just said she was pretty but that doesn’t mean you’re not the prettiest to me anymore. You still are and you would always be the prettiest to me, my sunshine.”

“But she’s…”

“Oh little starfish there is no need to worry about her at all okay? Even if I had the whole world for suitors, I wouldn’t choose anyone over you baby.” Chanyeol smiles gently, rubbing his fingers over Baekhyun’s forehead in an attempt to ease the tense muscles.

Baekhyun stares back into Chanyeol’s eyes silently for a while before he snuggles his face into the crook of the taller one’s neck. The younger boy cried his heart out and let out strings of little curses that went along the lines of “Stupid, stupid, eggplant! I hope she wakes up with egg yolk for eyes!” as he let out his worries.

Chanyeol could only smile fondly at the younger boy, his hand caressing the back of the latter’s head in soft, gentle motions as he made little comforting whispers to his lover’s ear.

“I love you baby.” 

“Forever?” Baekhyun halts, looking up at Chanyeol with watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks. 

“Until kingdom come.” Chanyeol replies before planting a light kiss on Baekhyun’s reddish nose. 

Baekhyun lets out a soft giggle at that, his hands holding onto Chanyeol’s broad shoulders before giving him a cheeky smile. “Fuck me?” 

//

If there were three things Chanyeol loved in his life, that would be: Baekhyun, music, and waking up to Baekhyun. 

Chanyeol feels his cheeks starting to ache from how long he had been smiling ear to ear at the sight of his lover. Baekhyun’s sleeping face was as calm as a lake and Chanyeol thinks there couldn’t be any better therapy than watching him. 

Chanyeol feels his heart thud loudly when Baekhyun mewls in his sleep like a precious kitten. The smaller snoops deeper into Chanyeol’s arms, his fists unconsciously clutching the taller man’s shirt. 

“God he’s fucking adorable.” Chanyeol curses to himself in frustration, silently watching Baekhyun curl into a ball and rub his cheeks against the taller man’s hard chest. 

Comprehending Baekhyun’s body language, Chanyeol knowingly drapes an arm over the younger’s waist to pull him closer. Warmth oozes from the couple entangled in each other’s limbs, beating the coldness of the cool winter morning. 

Baekhyun shuffles a little more in his sleep and Chanyeol knows it wouldn’t be long before he finally wakes up. 

When Chanyeol catches first sight of Baekhyun’s pretty doe eyes, he exhales in awe as if he was watching sunrise. 

Baekhyun looks back at Chanyeol, eyes scanning the older one’s features. Chanyeol was facing the window and Baekhyun was amazed at how the sunlight shines on the other’s face, accentuating his flawless skin and perfectly structured face.

The longer Baekhyun stared at his lover, the more the ugly thoughts started crawling back to his head, haunting him with the negative events that played out on his mind when Chanyeol was away.

Just like that, Baekhyun’s eyes start to water again, panic creeping up on him with the anxiety of potentially losing his lover. Chanyeol notices this and he snaps out of his daze before his hands reach out to wipe the corners of the younger’s eyes.

“Love bug, it seems all I ever do is make you cry.” Chanyeol chuckles, amused at how Baekhyun always ends up crying whenever he looks at his face. The smaller boy just frowned at this before he leaned closer and hid his face in the other’s neck.

Everything comes rushing back to him. He hated himself for being such an emotional mess last night but could you really blame him?

Chanyeol and he didn’t really have enough time to spend with each other as they both got caught up with college. Baekhyun was going through finals while Chanyeol was busy juggling exams and band practice. 

Baekhyun barely got his daily dose of Chanyeol and everything just took a toll on him. As he was going through finals, Baekhyun’s days are filled with stress, unhealthy diets and endless studying.

So it wouldn’t be a surprise if Chanyeol noticed how much Baekhyun’s cheeks have sunk. Baekhyun was slightly mad that he hadn’t been able to be with Chanyeol for so long and he didn’t know who to blame but he was sulky about it nonetheless. And as if he was trying to prove a point, he completely forgot about Chanyeol’s reminders to never skip meals. Instead, he resorted to ingesting an unhealthy amount of sweets and gummies that ended up making his tummy hurt. 

“You lost a lot of weight again honey…” Chanyeol says as his hand starts to rub circles on Baekhyun’s protruding hip bone. Baekhyun only huffed in response, face sinking deeper into Chanyeol’s neck, his teeth lightly nibbling on the collarbone like a teething puppy. “Guppy, what did I tell you about eating proper meals?”

“M sorry...it’s just that you weren’t around much and...and finals are stressing me out.” Baekhyun tightened his hold on Chanyeol, his legs wrapping around the older’s waist. The sudden movement causes Baekhyun to yelp lightly, feeling the plug from last night inside him shift. 

“Oh you poor little thing…” Chanyeol sighs, pulling Baekhyun with him as he sits up, making the younger straddle his lap. “As much as I would love to coddle you and stay in bed with you all day, I have to make sure my puppy eats okay?” 

Baekhyun bobs his head which Chanyeol takes as a sign to stand up but carefully this time to make sure his boyfriend won’t feel any discomfort in his behind. Chanyeol internally winces at the realization of exactly how light Baekhyun had become. 

Chanyeol walks down the stairs and enters the kitchen before he places his lover on the countertop. He made sure to pull down  _ his _ hoodie that Baekhyun wore to cover his thighs from the cold marble. 

As Baekhyun watches Chanyeol move endlessly around their kitchen, he couldn’t help the swarm of butterflies that evaded his stomach. The sight of his boyfriend cooking for him and taking care of him makes him feel a multitude of emotions. He thinks he deserves a pat in the back for not crying on the spot at the domesticity. 

These were the times when he questioned if he even deserved Chanyeol at all. Chanyeol was so perfect, so lovable and so reliable that Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel like he was a mere burden. An inconvenience, an annoying child compared to the mature Chanyeol. Not to mention Chanyeol was already in his final year of college while Baekhyun was suffering in sophomore year. He didn’t know how he was supposed to survive uni without his boyfriend but he supposed that was a problem for future Baekhyun to worry about. 

In the meantime, Baekhyun basks in the comfort of their homey little apartment as he waits patiently for Chanyeol. His head turns with every movement Chanyeol made like a puppy watching its owner. 

“Anything I can do to help?” He had asked once but Chanyeol only approached him with a smile before planting a light kiss on his forehead. “Yeol’s gonna do all the work for his baby prince today, alright?” 

Baekhyun’s heart flutters, his cheeks start to redden and he muffles his giggles with his tiny hands as Chanyeol gets back to work. 

Chanyeol did treat him like a prince. A  _ baby prince _ to be more exact, even going as far as feeding Baekhyun, making sure the waffles were sliced into bite-sized pieces and letting the younger take a sip from his glass of milk. 

The morning was calm and silent with only the sound of birds from the outside tweeting faintly and the occasional clinks of forks against ceramic plates.

Baekhyun takes a huge sip of his warm milk and it isn’t long before he involuntarily releases a loud burp. “I’m full…”

Chanyeol frowns at that. “But you barely ate half, little snail.” 

“Sorry...can’t anymore.” Baekhyun looks down, suddenly scared of having disappointed Chanyeol only to have his chin tilted back up.

“It’s okay love. We can always try little by little until you get back on track okay?” Baekhyun nods at this with a smile before turning his head to side. 

Chanyeol watches in amusement as Baekhyun giggles and grabs the tube of whipped cream before he tipped his head back and sprayed some of the cream in his mouth.

Baekhyun blinked in confusion when the cream squirted messily onto his face, ending up on his nose and cheeks before his lips parted open in shock. Baekhyun tilts his head and looks at Chanyeol, who was laughing wholeheartedly, with questioning eyes.

“You forgot to shake the container baby.” Chanyeol wheezes out in between his laughs.

Baekhyun pouts, blood flushing straight to his face so he roamed his eyes around looking for a tissue but he was startled when Chanyeol leaned down and licked the cream that somehow managed to reach his nose. The taller one starts to plant more kisses on the other’s face as he sucks and savors the sweet taste of soft cream on even softer skin.

“Yeol…” Baekhyun whined, hands blindly holding onto Chanyeol’s sturdy shoulders. 

“Shh...let me take care of you pup.” The taller whispers in Baekhyun’s ear in a dangerously low voice making the latter take in a sharp breath.

“On the kitchen counter really?” Chanyeol chuckles at the complaint of the younger man before he lifts him off the counter and turns him around.

“You’ll take what I give you like a good boy yeah?” Chanyeol gently pushes Baekhyun’s upper back to bend him against the counter, his hoodie falling back. Chanyeol feels his member twitch at the sight of the younger’s exposed plugged hole.

Chanyeol figures Baekhyun was loose enough from having been plugged up all night and his assumptions were confirmed when he pulled out the plug. Baekhyun squirms at the feeling of warm cum oozing out, voice turning a pitch higher as Chanyeol enters a finger inside his wet hole.

“Hold tight baby.” He whispers against the back of Baekhyun’s ear with a smirk as he lines up his throbbing cock against the smaller boy’s entrance. An airy gasp erupts from Baekhyun’s mouth as he tightly holds onto the counter, feeling the tip prodding against his rim.

“Oh god.” Baekhyun gasps at the intrusion, his head falling back as he arches his body, pushing his ass towards Chanyeol over the process. His fingers tried to scratch on the surface of the marble countertop but to no avail, his short nails failed him. So Baekhyun resorted to holding his small hands in a tight fist, propping them right under his chest to support himself. 

“Yeol...yeol...hold me. H-hold me please.” Baekhyun moans and Chanyeol obliges, strong arms wrapping around Baekhyun’s waist to support his weight. 

Chanyeol starts to pick up his pace, thrusting upwards, making sure his cock brushes against the other’s prostate, entailing soft mewls from the smaller boy under him.

The taller man pulled out until only his tip was within the tight walls before he fucked back inside, his hands rubbing circles onto Baekhyun’s flushed tender skin.

Chanyeol wraps a free hand on Baekhyun’s forgotten member making the younger squeak out in pleasure. He pumps Baekhyun’s small cock into his hand, pre-cum generously leaking and it only takes him a few more thrusts before the smaller cums in ecstasy, eyes rolling back with a groan. “Fuck you feel so good, my sweet.” 

Baekhyun starts to babble from too much pleasure, sputtering incoherent words which Chanyeol failed to understand.

“Slowly baby, you’re doing good. Tell me clearly what you want okay?” Chanyeol whispers softly, surprisingly in contrast to his harsh thrusts and Baekhyun once again flushes furiously at the praise.

“Need—hngh need you to choke me Yeol...” Baekhyun barely manages to grunt it out before he almost immediately gasps when he feels huge hands wrapping around his neck.

Chanyeol expertly applies a firm yet gentle pressure on the carotid artery of his lover, stopping the blood flow to his head and while he thrusts into Baekhyun, he pays great attention to the other’s body language, making sure to know his limits.

Baekhyun however, reveled in the thrill and pleasure of completely letting his lover control him, knowing all too well that Chanyeol can decide to choke him to death anytime and that thought alone makes him moan loudly.

He feels utter satisfaction, his heart leaping at the thought of giving Chanyeol full authority over him.

“Do you love that pup? The thought that the decision whether you get to live or not is in my hands huh? You love that pup?” Chanyeol taunts, releasing pressure on the neck to let him talk and he knows all too well that instead of scaring the younger out of his wits, he made Baekhyun relish at the feeling of complete submission.

“Nggh–” Baekhyun chokes out a sob in response and he feels an abrupt thrust of warning. “That’s no way to answer my question sweetheart.” 

“Oh god I—yes I love it w-when you do this to me Yeol hngh–” 

“Do what, baby?” 

“When you control me. When you make me–” He gets cut off when Chanyeol puts back his hand to firmly press on the side of Baekhyun’s neck, making sure not to obstruct his trachea.

“Then come for me again pup. Come and I’ll let you breathe.” Chanyeol whispers dangerously albeit being aware that Baekhyun had just come, his body still rocking in overstimulation, because he knows just how much the younger loves his limits being pushed.

Baekhyun lets out a choked whine, tears spilling out of his eyes as he tries to keep himself sane, his over sensitivity making him see stars as Chanyeol thrusts up onto him more.

A couple of seconds pass by and Baekhyun is starting to get light headed, his mouth shakes in too much pleasure yet too little to make him cum.

Chanyeol leans closer to offer him a little help. “Come on beautiful, you can do it. Yeol’s so proud of you for being such a good little babe.” And that praise was all it took for Baekhyun to cum untouched for the second time that morning. The smaller pants for more air when Chanyeol finally lets go of his neck.

Baekhyun nearly cried when Chanyeol came, filling his insides with his hot seed and making him feel dizzy at the feeling of being so full and sated.

“You did so well love, I’m proud of you baby.” Chanyeol repeats, trailing butterfly kisses across the back of the younger who had fallen limp onto his arms.

He turns Baekhyun towards him, putting one arm on his upper back and the other, under his knee to pick him up like a bride. Chanyeol stares into Baekhyun’s fucked out face before planting a kiss on his forehead. “Too much?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. He closes his eyes and grins like a satisfied kitty before hanging onto Chanyeol’s neck. “I love you.” The smaller whispers.

“Forever?” 

“Until kingdom come...” Baekhyun responds like muscle memory, the familiar words rolling out of his tongue like he has said it a million times, which he probably already did. 

Chanyeol smiles at that, dropping a soft peck on Baekhyun’s lip. “Let’s get you cleaned up, your highness.” 

Legend has it that a third round happened inside the bathroom.

//

The weekend passes by quicker than Baekhyun would have wanted it to. It all felt too short. It wasn’t enough and Baekhyun wanted more time with Chanyeol before they fell back into a hectic routine. A routine that consisted of unhealthy diets, missed calls, lonely meals and empty beds. 

Chanyeol spends the majority of his days practicing for basketball and finishing up requirements while he does late night gigs with his band as a part time job. He also has exams to deal with so Baekhyun couldn’t bring it in himself to even try and bother Chanyeol with his whims. 

Baekhyun spends most of his time with Jay, a new friend he met. Baekhyun eats his lunch with the newfound friend. He spends break times with Jay and hangs around the library with him. 

Baekhyun’s other friends would tell him, “ _ You and Jay are so different, why would you even be associated with someone like him. _ ” 

“ _ I heard Jay’s a real douchebag. He even has sketchy friends from other schools and hangs out with them…”  _

That irritated him. He didn’t appreciate having friends who backstabbed and badmouthed his other friends because even if they did say Jay was a bad influence, he was so good to Baekhyun. 

Despite these, Baekhyun forms a bond with Jay who takes care of him well, succumbing to his every whim and spoiling him rotten. 

_ Almost as if he was a second Chanyeol. _

Now that Baekhyun thinks of Chanyeol, he just realized exactly how much the older has been absent in his life pretty much the whole time lately.

Baekhyun could only be thankful he had Jay to fill the hole in his heart as he went through lonely and weary days. 

“Baek!” Baekhyun turned his head towards the source, a grin immediately invading his features. His grin goes as fast as it came as he processed the distress on Jongdae’s face. “Your boyfriend’s fighting someone in the gym!” 

Baekhyun feels his heart rate pick up. He sloppily grabs his stuff and rushes to follow Jongdae. He was confused and scared because Chanyeol definitely wasn’t the type of guy to get into fights and that thought pushes him to run faster.

When Baekhyun arrives at the gymnasium, he feels a sudden surge of social anxiety at the amount of people crowding the area. But he forces himself to push through the mob, fighting his way towards the front. “E-excuse me—”

The boy’s eyes widen at the sight that greets him. Chanyeol is face to face with Jay, only a few feet apart and everybody can feel—practically see the tension between the two. 

Baekhyun doesn’t get to process what happens and before he knew it, Chanyeol was lunging towards Jay with a furious scowl on his face. The taller man lands a forceful punch against Jay’s jaw, earning gasps from bystanders. 

Chanyeol once again throws a heavy jab to the other’s cheekbones as his teammates start to pull him away. With the amount of strength the man has in his body, everybody had a difficult time trying to pull him off. Baekhyun snaps out of his trance and jumps in to stop the two.

“Hey stop! P-please stop!” Chanyeol immediately calms down at the familiar voice though his softening features wouldn’t speak for the anger still coursing in his system. Jay manages to land a punch for himself before the two are completely separated. 

“Chanyeol, what the heck is wrong with you!” Baekhyun exclaims, holding tight onto Jay as if he would lose balance at any moment. But he stands his ground, giving Chanyeol a disappointed look. “Talk to me when your head is finally clear.”

Baekhyun pants, grabbing Jay’s arm to pull him out of the crowd. 

When the pair arrives at a more secluded place, Baekhyun finally stops to turn and look at Jay’s bleeding face. “A-are you okay…?”

“Your boyfriend can really throw a mean punch.” Jay chuckled. Baekhyun rolls his eyes at that, forcing Jay to sit down on the bench. He silently takes a kit from his bag to start cleaning the wound on the other’s face.

“I’m sorry...for what Chanyeol did. He’s not usually like that.” Baekhyun swallowed nervously. 

Baekhyun presses the clean pad against the bleeding cut on Jay’s face. Silently waiting, his other hand awkwardly rests on his lap. 

“Why do you put up with him?” 

“Huh?”

“Chanyeol.” 

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks in confusion, tilting his head sideward. 

“He barely even spends time with you. You don’t know where and with whom he spends his time. Fuck, he doesn’t even seem to be taking care of you anymore.” 

“It’s not like this never happened before...Plus, he’s a fourth year. He’s extra busy these days.”

“Are you really okay with that? Because I fucking hate how you have to suffer while Chanyeol enjoys his time.”

“Enjoy…?”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Jay scoffs. “You didn’t know that your boyfriend has been hanging out with random girls after their gigs.” 

“No that’s...Chanyeol can hang out with whoever he wants...” 

“What would you know, Baek? Do you really know Chanyeol? Face it Baek. At this point it just seems like he’s been keeping you around to save face.”

Baekhyun moves away from Jay, quickly packing up his things in fear of breaking down right then and there.

_ “Break up with him Baek. You deserve better.” _

Jay’s words kept echoing in Baekhyun’s mind that night.

Baekhyun huffs as he chews obnoxiously loud on a strip of gummy candy. He crumples the plastic wrapper and throws it blindly across the room. His eyes are bloodshot red, cheeks strained with tears as he curls himself into a ball on their bed. Chanyeol’s absence makes him realize just how much Jay’s words make sense. 

From having consumed a week’s worth of gummy candies without having a proper meal, Baekhyun feels a cramping sensation in his stomach. Feeling bloated and nauseous, Baekhyun whines at the rumbles from his upset stomach. 

Baekhyun receives a text from Jay that night, chest tightening at the message. “ _ Break up with him.”  _

He feels bile rushing up his throat but he refuses to let it out. Baekhyun knew he was being stubborn and petty but he wasn’t really willing to bring himself back in a healthier track if he didn’t have Chanyeol walking in that path with him. So he musters up his endurance and curls into a tighter ball. He lets out tiny and quiet, choked sobs, hands cupping his belly as he forces himself to fall asleep. 

Why would he bother waiting for Chanyeol to come back home if he was busy  _ hanging out with girls after his gigs? _

//

When Baekhyun was younger, his mom had always advised him to never let fights see the next day. Every argument and misunderstanding must be discussed and resolved on the day it happened. It was a good way of practicing good communication with each other as couples. 

And Baekhyun feels some sort of anxiety over the fact that he and Chanyeol had fought but they were not able to resolve it. How could they?

Baekhyun always tried to wait for Chanyeol. He would spend hours waiting for his boyfriend to come home but the clock would strike 3 am without any sign of him. If Baekhyun was lucky, he would wake up at around 7 am and find Chanyeol dead asleep on the bed. And today was one of those many days where Baekhyun slept and woke without Chanyeol beside him at all. 

It was getting tiring. He was so exhausted and emotionally drained with this situation. It feels as though everything has changed. 

Baekhyun was the type of person who craved affection all the time. Growing up without his parents and relying solely on the care his grandmother had provided, Baekhyun spent the majority of his life without someone to lean on. Having found Chanyeol in itself was a miracle. A godsend blessing that Baekhyun never wanted to lose. And Chanyeol, sweet sweet loving Chanyeol, was all too willing to give Baekhyun all the love and affection he needed. All the warmth and cuddles, the hugs and kisses. 

They were friends for 2 years before they stepped into another base as couples for 2 years and that was more than enough time for them to develop a deep bond. A deep bond that no one else could comprehend. 

Chanyeol was so reliable and so mature that it was so easy for Baekhyun to fully depend on him. All he had to do was listen and obey what Chanyeol told him to because he always knew what was best for Baekhyun. There were times when they fought and Baekhyun would cry but it was never because Chanyeol had done anything to hurt him. If anything, it was Baekhyun giving Chanyeol massive headaches but he was still so understanding and forgiving. He would always try to see Baekhyun’s reasoning and point of view. He was so easy to talk to and to confide in. Chanyeol’s calm and outgoing nature balanced out Baekhyun’s sporadic, unstable emotions and his introverted self. 

That was the Chanyeol Baekhyun had fallen in love with. And that Chanyeol was still lingering around somewhere. It was still there, Baekhyun knows. Baekhyun’s mind winds back to the last weekend he spent with Chanyeol and he thinks one day was more than enough to clear his mind of all worries. It was more than enough to compensate for all the times he suffered alone and cried himself to sleep. 

_ Chanyeol was so worth it. _

So how could Baekhyun possibly bring himself to break up with Chanyeol? How could he possibly listen to what Jay told him to do? 

_ You don’t deserve him.  _ His subconscious reasons, entailing chills to run up his body. It is truly amazing how those words alone could break everything in Baekhyun and his resolve.

Because he knew it was right and perhaps the thought has always been in him. Chanyeol was just so amazing and made him feel so good that he immediately forgot about his insecurities. It could be that or he just loved Chanyeol too much to let him go so he decided to be selfish. 

_ Is Chanyeol tired of me? Is this why he spends more time with his friends…? Is this why he barely comes home to me anymore?  _

Baekhyun sinks into the couch in their living room, basking in the comfort that his warm blanket offers. He stares blankly at the ceiling, hands fiddling with his comfort toy puppy. It was a habit he had never really been able to stop.

The sun was starting to set and the air was gradually getting colder. The apartment feels as empty as Baekhyun’s heart as he let the raging thoughts of self-deprecation consume him. 

His ears perk up at the sound of Chanyeol’s motorbike roaring from the outside. The noise dies after a while, making Baekhyun’s heart rate pick up at the idea of confrontation. It was weird, Chanyeol going home this early. 

Despite this, Baekhyun calms his nerves down as he tries to stay still from where he was sitting. The door opens after a while and Baekhyun finally sees Chanyeol standing there.

Even now, Baekhyun couldn’t help but be in awe at how good his boyfriend looked. It wasn’t a secret that Chanyeol was a very attractive man.

Tall, talented, funny, handsome and charming. He was perfect. He was everything a person would want in a significant other. He was so...out there.  _ So out of Baekhyun’s league. _

And as the taller man struts inside the apartment in his leather jacket and skinny jeans, Baekhyun feels his heart tighten. It was as if he was falling in love over again. 

Chanyeol brushes his slightly curly hair back with his hand, settling down his guitar by the stairs. 

When Chanyeol finally catches sight of Baekhyun who immediately looked away, the older could only exhale. 

Chanyeol approached the couch, leaning in to plant a kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead but the smaller boy immediately moved away. 

“Baek don’t be like this…” Chanyeol sighed. “Let’s talk it all out, baby.”

“D-don’t call me that.” Baekhyun says, tightening his hold on his stuffed toy for support. Having Chanyeol call him that never failed to weaken his resolve and he didn’t really want that to distract him from the issue at hand.

“Look, I don’t really get why you’re mad at me.”

“You punched my best friend and you’re gonna tell me you don’t know why I’m mad at you?” Baekhyun scoffed.

“Best friend? Who? That motherfucking piece of shit you hang around with?!” 

Baekhyun winces slightly, suddenly afraid of  _ this _ Chanyeol. This Chanyeol who was raising his voice, with face etched in a scowl and hands running through his hair in evident frustration.

“W-Why are you…why are you being so rude?!”

“Because you shouldn’t be hanging around with him.”

“And who are you to dictate who I’m supposed to be hanging out with?”

“I’m your boyfriend, isn’t that enough reason for me to be concerned about you being friends with people like him?”

“My boyfriend, really?” Baekhyun barked out a humorless laugh, standing up from his seat to properly face Chanyeol. “You barely even come home to me anymore. You don’t treat me the same way you used to.”

“You know how busy I am and that’s not a reason for you to whore around, acting like a fucking slut with random men like him. Tell me, has he fucked you yet? Does he fuck you better than I do? Is that why you’re sucking up to him? Huh?” 

_ A beat of silence _ .

Everything went so silent at once that one would hear a pin drop. Baekhyun’s throat tightens as he tries to register everything Chanyeol said. Baekhyun scoffs out a laugh. He laughs lifelessly until his laughs turn into weakened sobs, tears brimming at the corner of his eyes. 

“Baek I don’t—”

“No...no. No, you wouldn’t say it if you didn’t mean it.” Baekhyun shakes his head, slowly stepping back. His knees wobbled and his chin trembled as he tried to bite back his impending wails of pain. 

“You know what?” Baekhyun stands up straight, turning to face Chanyeol with his held high up as he lies through gritted teeth. “So what if I fucked him huh? What if I cheated on you with him because you were being such a neglectful boyfriend? Could you really blame me when I just tried to find someone to accompany me?” 

At this point, Baekhyun knew he was crossing boundaries. He was hitting a sensitive spot in Chanyeol. His Chanyeol who had once opened up to him about his parents being dysfunctional because the two of them kept cheating on each other. How much could it have hurt Chanyeol to have the same thing happen to him?

“You don’t mean that.” Chanyeol replies, trying to hear the words that would tell him it wasn’t true and that Baekhyun just got caught up with his emotions. Baekhyun refuses to give him that so he stays silent.

“So you really cheated on me, huh?” Chanyeol chuckles lifelessly this time. “Fuck!” He continues laughing maniacally, leaning onto the stairs’ railing as he slapped it repeatedly in between his laughs. 

“Fuck! Your sensitive petty self couldn’t handle being alone so you chose to whore around while I was having a hard time?” 

“As a matter of fact I did. I did cheat Chanyeol and I hope you know that this is over and I’m breaking up with you.”

_ Lies. Lies. Stupid lies.  _

Baekhyun wants to pull Chanyeol for a hug, wants to drown in the older’s comforting warmth but it is too late for that. Words have been said and words have cut through. There was no fixing anymore. 

So Baekhyun turns to grab his phone, rushing out of the apartment but not before making sure the door slammed loud behind him. He briefly regrets walking out with ridiculously thin clothes in this cold weather but he couldn’t care less if he froze to death. He wasn’t gonna swallow his pride and go back there. 

He walks aimlessly, knees shaking from being too tired. Before he knows it, he arrives at a local park in their village. He shivers at a particularly strong gust of cold air as he sits down on the swing. This was the park he and Chanyeol always went to and he had half a mind to go somewhere else but he was still too tired to walk any further.

He shuffles through his phone and dials a certain phone number. He exhales heavily when the receiver answers in a heartbeat. “Baek?”

“Please come and pick me up Jay.” Baekhyun whispers, voice breaking at the end of his sentence. 

Baekhyun patiently waits in the swing amidst the cold weather and it doesn’t take too long before he feels a heavy jacket being wrapped around his shoulders. He looks up to see Jay smiling down at him. 

Before he could help himself, Baekhyun immediately stands up, lurching his body towards Jay. He clasps his arms around the taller man’s neck as the tears finally fall. He lets out painful wails, murmuring incoherent words as Jay supported his shaking body. 

_ “I love you.” _

_ “Forever?” _

_ “Until kingdom come...” _

Lies. Stupid, dumb lies.

//


	2. One of These Nights

**¸.*♡*.¸**

_ “I’m going through a heartache longer than the times we loved. _

_ Past the Milky Way, in a faraway place, I’m going through our white memories.” _

**¸.*♡*.¸**

Jay was more than willing to let Baekhyun stay in his place for two days after his argument with Chanyeol. Baekhyun had spent those two days doing nothing but cry his heart out and he was thankful Jay did not find him annoying enough to kick him out. 

The older man was very accommodating to his needs but never once did he bother to pry and ask Baekhyun about what happened. Baekhyun appreciated that a lot.

When Baekhyun finally decided to come back to their shared apartment, he certainly did not expect to find the flat empty. Well not necessarily empty but it was rather  _ Chanyeol empty _ . Like the Chanyeol is gone and so are his things kind of empty. That’s when Baekhyun thought that yeah, they were done for good.

How could he possibly even muster up the courage to contact Chanyeol, ask him to come back and tell him that he didn’t mean whatever he said and that he never cheated at all. It’s harder than it seems especially when he himself has been hurt too and he isn’t really fond of putting his pride on the line when he’s been so used to having his way with things all the time. Chanyeol let him win all their arguments and he never had to coax the older so how was he supposed to do that? 

So as soon as he takes in the status of the room, he just lets all the tears fall down like crying is all he’s been doing his whole life. He cried and refused to even move an inch from where his body had slumped on the floor.

Chanyeol left him. Chanyeol gave up on him. Chanyeol highly likely didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. 

Baekhyun brings up his hands to his head, fingers clasping tight onto his hair as he pulls at the roots in frustration. “Stupid, stupid, dumb bitch.” He cries, repeatedly hitting himself. 

Nights fell, days passed and weeks went by. Baekhyun was as good as a mourning soul who had lost everything in his life. Frankly speaking, that was very much true because Chanyeol was his everything. His anchor, his protector, his guide and the only person who has ever accepted him with his long list of flaws.

Chanyeol was a really popular person on campus and news about them breaking up spread like wildfire. When he walked the halls to his room, people would look at him and say stuff without bothering to whisper low enough for him not to hear. 

And while he may equally be as popular as Chanyeol for “catching the big fish”, it would be undeniable that his fame had wholly been just because of Chanyeol. So it would come to no doubt that everybody else didn’t care to see his side of the story and proceeded to infest the rumors with lies like “Chanyeol broke up with Baekhyun.” or “Chanyeol finally got tired of putting up with his stupid crybaby boyfriend.” 

Those days felt like torture and it killed Baekhyun to witness how Chanyeol didn’t even seem to be affected at all. Baekhyun would even subtly pass through the gymnasium where Chanyeol played with his team. If someone didn’t know Chanyeol was in a relationship, they wouldn’t even have suspected that the taller person went through a breakup after a long, two-year relationship. 

That’s an awful jab to Baekhyun’s pride and his feelings that were already teetering over the edge of absolute insanity. As if his esteem hadn’t already been mugged by the judging glares and whispers from his schoolmates, Chanyeol made it seem like he wasn’t that big of a deal for the older man to be moping about. 

It made Baekhyun feel insignificant. 

So he distanced himself with everyone, not really feeling like socializing with people who probably badmouthed him anyway. He was thankful Jongdae and Kyungsoo, his friends from the same course, were more than willing to give him the space he demanded. The only person who insisted on staying like a pest was Jay. 

The last day of his sophomore year was coming closer and Baekhyun couldn’t care less about it anymore. All that mattered to him was just finishing all his requirements, getting himself over with college and finally rotting in their—his apartment for the entirety of school break. 

Jay wasn’t keen on letting that happen though. Baekhyun would always find it annoying how Jay never failed to visit him and make sure he was still breathing. Basically, he was standing up in his life the way Chanyeol would and Baekhyun certainly didn’t appreciate the reminder of what he had lost. It was still too painful, too heavy and too dejecting.

He doesn’t even know what else he’s been doing in his life besides cry and indulge in unhealthy habits like he always did. If there was something Baekhyun would be known for, it wouldn’t be his coping mechanisms.

Amidst the usual train of thousands of thoughts going through his mind, three knocks resonated in the room, making Baekhyun stir as he laid on the bed, buried on a huge pile of pillows and soft blankets. He stayed silent and ignored it, pulling the comforter to cover his face.

Jongdae from the other side of the door frowned at the lack of response so he turned the knob and pushed the door open, revealing a huge mess of a room. The status of the room was genuinely concerning. Some pillows and stuffed toys are left discarded on the ground, empty packages of gummy candies, empty cups of instant noodles and a huge bunch of used tissues were scattered everywhere.

“What do you want Jay.” Baekhyun whined against the comforter that muffled his words.

“I’m not Jay, and can you please stop moping now and go clean up your stuff.” Jongdae said before picking up one of the pillows on the floor and threw it on Baekhyun's covered face.

The boy huffed before he quickly sat up, pushing the heavy blankets with a loud huff.

“I look ugly right now, get out.”

“After crying for weeks of course you will look ugly.” Jongdae humored, taking the initiative to pick up the stuffed toys on the floor.

“I hate you, just leave me alone.“

“Not until you get up and eat something. By something, I mean real food.”

“Whatever.” Baekhyun murmured dismissively.

Jongdae lightly chuckled at this before he sighed and sat on the side of the bed, facing the other boy who had an annoyed look on his face.

“Baek look, I know you’re having a hard time right now and you should get all the space you need but I can’t let you skip your meals and continue this unhealthy routine.” Jongdae softly whispers so as to not aggravate the other more, his thumbs softly caressing the top of Baekhyun’s hand.

“Stop talking like that jerk. You’re just reminding me of him.”

“I know, I know, but I can’t let you keep on going like this. The school year’s ending, shouldn’t you be enjoying it right now?”

Baekhyun merely stares at Jongdae like he had just said something stupid which was true because it would be stupid to think he had the capacity to be alright after all that happened.

Jongdae realizes this soon enough, clearing his throat before letting out a sigh.

“Okay. Just—if you’re hungry, go downstairs, alright? I bought stuff and put it on your table.” 

Baekhyun doesn’t give an answer, instead he turns his back on Jongdae and covers himself back again with the comforter. Jongdae stood up and fixed the blankets, making sure it properly covered Baekhyun’s foot that was poking out before he turned off the lights and left, silently closing the door behind him. And once again, Baekhyun is left to drown in his thoughts.

Suddenly feeling suffocated by the heavy blanket, he pulled it off like a sulking child and stared blankly at the ceiling.  _ Does he miss me like I miss him? Is he secretly crying about me? Was he sad at all even for just a teeny tiny bit? Or is he out in parties, hanging out with girls who were prettier than me? _

“I wasn't too hard on him was I? No no, it’s his fault anyway.” Baekhyun tried to convince himself. A few seconds of silence passed by before he groaned in frustration once again.

“Ugh!” He sat up and kicked his blankets, pulling on his hair as he let out more furious whines that left him panting for air when he got tired.

“Whatever!” He huffed and lied face down on the mattress, his head buried on the pink pillow.

_ buzz _

Baekhyun looked up when he heard his phone vibrate and as he caught sight of a message notification, he swore he had never sat up so fast in his whole life, immediately letting the phone recognize his face to unlock it in anticipation.

_ Your package has been shipped as of April 9, 2021 (12:01 AM). _

“Stupid package! it’s not like I was expecting anything from him anyway.” He sulks and burrows himself in the thick covers of what was once  _ their  _ bed.

_ Sure Baekhyun, say whatever makes you sleep at night. _

Once more, Baekhyun’s phone starts buzzing but he refuses to look at it. Maybe as some sort of self-comfort that he does not need to expect any message or call from Chanyeol. But his resolve dies as quickly as it had been formed when he eventually gives in and slowly peeks at the screen of his phone.

_ Jay has sent you a message. _

A small, subtle smile of relief settles on Baekhyun’s face. 

_ Right, why would he need Chanyeol if he had Jay now? _

//

The last day of college passed a few days later and the start of their summer break finally  starts. 

Baekhyun has a newfound resolve to forget about Chanyeol and make new memories with Jay who was more than willing to spend the entire summer vacation with him.

Frankly, Baekhyun wasn’t an always-up-for-parties person but Jay is a really convincing person. Jay had managed to convince a complete homebody to spend the break with him and his friends.

Truth be told, Baekhyun was scared. He had heard the rumors about Jay and while he may have dismissed it because he was a good friend, that doesn’t mean the idea didn’t scare him. 

But Baekhyun wanted to do something. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his days crying over someone who wouldn’t come back. Someone who wouldn’t want him back. For the past month he felt like dying. He felt like he’d lost his motivation and himself too along the way. Life had become a complete nonsense, so useless, so bleak, so meaningless. 

He searched for the excitement only Chanyeol could bring. He longed for the affection, the attention and the care Chanyeol had provided him before. And the only person whom Baekhyun found to be willing was Jay.

Jay was the only person who stuck with him. The only one who actually stood by his side and never left him alone. To some degree, Baekhyun was slowly giving Jay the control Chanyeol used to have in his life. He supposed that was stupid but Baekhyun had always been so trusting and Jay being his rock made it so much easier for him to eventually become dependent. 

One would call Baekhyun simple minded. He just offers himself up to anyone who shows him the least bit of affection. But he didn’t care because it was all he’s ever done. It was the most familiar to him, something he wasn’t completely ready to change in his life. 

The summer break was a great opportunity for Baekhyun to unwind. Release the pent-up stress and find new things to divert his attention to.

The first night out with Jay was scary but exhilarating. Jay had given him a pep talk prior to that night that he didn’t need to have any inhibitions. He didn’t need to be conscious because no one would judge him and all his friends were nice. 

Baekhyun remembers struggling in such a skimpy outfit Jay had convinced him to wear but it somehow made him feel a little bit better with his body. And boy did he look good.

He struggled that night, squirming and trying to avoid gazes from random people who looked his way as they entered the night club with him in tow behind Jay. He held tightly onto Jay’s leather jacket in fear of getting lost in the sea of people. 

“Who's the pretty boy?” A tall guy with dark red hair questions, motioning his glass of alcohol towards Baekhyun. 

“He’s Baekhyun. Baek, this is Shun.” 

“Hey baby, nice to meet you.” Shun says with a wide foxy smile, offering his hand for Baekhyun to take. Baekhyun shyly nods, suddenly flustered at the pet name. He timidly reaches out a hand to shake Shun’s before quickly taking it back after a particularly hard grip.

“I’ll get you a drink.” Jay says, completely oblivious to Baekhyun’s discomfort. 

“I don’t...I don’t really drink.” Baekhyun winces.

“Oh honey I wasn’t asking you. You’re gonna let it all go tonight.” Jay whispers, winking at Baekhyun before walking away and disappearing from the younger’s sight.

Baekhyun isn’t at all comfortable at the fact that he’d been left alone with Shun, but the taller male clearly isn’t aware of that. Instead, he pulls Baekhyun to where a group of people were sitting together. 

He supposed these were Jay’s friends.

“Cute boy to fuck tonight, Shun?” 

Baekhyun’s face flushes at the bluntness of the blonde woman sitting on the lap of another woman. 

“Maybe, Sena.” Shun answers with a confident grin, earning whistles from the group. 

It took everything in Baekhyun to not roll his eyes and give Shun a slap for being a creepy piece of shit. 

Thankfully, Jay arrives, unknowing of how he just practically saved Baekhyun from further embarrassment. 

“Meeting my friends already, baby?” Jay smiled, his free arm wrapping around Baekhyun’s waist to pull him closer.

“Interesting.” Sena says again, taking a hit from her cig before continuing, “Shun said he was going to fuck him and since when did Shun sleep with Jay’s partners?” She giggles, smoke coming out of her mouth as she speaks.

“I don’t–” Baekhyun immediately closes his mouth when the group snaps their head to look at him. He suddenly feels conscious, afraid that he might have raised his voice a bit too high. “I mean...it’s not like that.”

“Oh a shy one, aren’t you?” A guy with a ton of piercings humors, groaning suddenly when the girl on his lap grinds a little bit too hard against his crotch.

Baekhyun looked away, cheeks burning in embarrassment. 

“Don’t tease him.” Jay chuckles, handing Baekhyun a small shot glass. 

“Err...what’s this?” 

“Just tequila.” 

Baekhyun is sure his eyeballs visibly wavered at that. Eyes quickly darting back and forth towards Jay and the glass in his hand. 

“Come on Baek, one shot. You can do it baby.” 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, nervously cupping the glass in his hand before he finally downs the drink in one shot. He feels the burn in his throat, the strong taste spreading in his taste buds. 

He had totally forgotten about the group of people watching him and he is reminded of their presence in the best way. They cheer him up, whistles erupting in the air like they had just watched a toddler do something amazing right before their eyes. 

And Baekhyun feels the satisfaction. The thrill and the excitement vibrating in his body. Normally he would have shied away but the attention he received, the praises and the cheerful smiles made him feel all sorts of emotions.

The blonde girl, Sena, stands up from where she was sitting before she pecks the lips of who seems to be her girlfriend. She then turns to approach Baekhyun, pinching the boy’s cheeks. 

“We’re gonna have so much fun, baby boy!” She squeals before grabbing Baekhyun by the wrist and pulling him to the dance floor. 

And for the first time in a while, Baekhyun felt alive. 

//

It is always so easy to overlook when something is already too much. Like when you enjoy something a little bit too much, it gets so hard to detach yourself from it. It creeps into your system and grips your brain like a vice, rendering you helpless to the addiction. 

And if Baekhyun’s grandmother was still alive, she would have cried for him. Tears of pain and of disappointment for whatever mess Baekhyun had become over a short span of time. It was so scary how big of a change Baekhyun went through and it would prove to be difficult to argue that the change was for the best. 

Not when Baekhyun was slowly destroying himself without knowing. He is too lost, far too stuck in the clutches of thrill he once craved that was now binding him to an impending ruination.

He remembers how he had woken up the next morning on that night, head aching from having drunk too much alcohol. He found himself sore and bare naked on Jay’s bed and he didn’t have to be a genius for him to realize what happened that night. 

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to call it a mistake but he was still too dysfunctional. Still too caught up in the remnants of rush coursing in his system. 

So instead of freaking out like he normally would, he merely stares into Jay’s eyes before he leans in for a heated kiss. 

That didn’t mean he was completely over Chanyeol but Jay was something new, something distracting. Something that ignited what was left of the sparks in his soul. 

_ Jay was intoxicating.  _

And so it continues. Whatever it was that they had between them persisted throughout the course of their summer. 

Baekhyun had experienced so many things. Things he never would have found to be fun. Things he never would have experienced had he stayed cooped up in his shell. 

It all started with the drinks and then the cigarettes. He realized they weren’t half bad at all after he tried it for the first time with a madly beating heart and trembling fingers. 

And the first time Baekhyun tried cannabis was remarkable. It was in this old abandoned building they decided to infest with broken couches and moldy mattresses. 

Baekhyun remembers the feeling all too well. The giddiness, the light feeling in his body and his enhanced vision. Everything felt so relaxing yet so intense. He felt like he was less dense than the air. Everything was so hazy yet so vivid. 

He wasn’t sure what else he had done that night but they were either concerning or both fun and concerning. 

The euphoric feeling was too addictive. Too sweet to be forgotten. He longed for it. He craved it. He wanted it again and again. 

From then, it had been way too hard to detach from the vices. 

At present time, Baekhyun lets out a loud moan at a particularly hard thrust sent right up to his prostate. His walls clenched on the intruding cock in a vice grip. 

“Fuck.” Shun curses, feeling his cock throb painfully at the sensation on his shaft. 

It was too good. Too hot. Too much.

Baekhyun’s body shook as he felt his peak come nearer. It felt so close yet so far and he didn’t know how he would get there so he simply begged.

“More...Nggh—Please, Shun–” Shun immediately obliges without bothering to hear the rest of it, rocking deeper into Baekhyun as if he was making sure that the younger boy would feel the shape of his own member inside him for days. In a desperate chase for release, Baekhyun met his thrusts.

With the intensity, it didn’t take long before Baekhyun finally came untouched. His hole was getting more and more sensitive as Shun continued his movements in a chase for his own peak. He grunted low against Baekhyun’s ear before he too finally came, hot white ropes of cum gushing out of his cock and filling the rubber protection.

Shun removed the condom and tied it before throwing it on the trashcan that stood just beside the bed. He sighed in exhaustion before looking at his partner who seemed just about as tired.

But it was in one look at Baekhyun’s wrecked face, tears and drool coating his face and his own cum covering the expanse of skin on his flat stomach, that Shun felt his own member grow hard once again.

“Care for one more round?” Shun smirked playfully.

“We shouldn’t even be doing this.” Baekhyun murmurs sleepily, teetering over the edge between consciousness and sleep.

“Mhm but you’ve already whored yourself around to all the other guys so I don’t think that’s valid anymore.” Shun supplies, landing a light slap to Baekhyun’s ass cheek. 

“Hngh–” Baekhyun whimpers, his hole suddenly clenching around nothing. Great, now he was both sleepy and aroused. 

“Such a pretty slut. You even slept with Sena when she already has a girlfriend huh?” 

“H-how did you...I-I don’t…” 

“It’s so obvious Baek.” Shun chuckles, fingers trailing through Baekhyun’s legs before it slowly creeps towards the boy’s rims. “So tell me, how did it go.”

“What do you mean–oh!” Baekhyun yelps, hands flying to grip the sheets as Shun enters his slender fingers inside his reddish hole. 

“Did you fuck her...or was it the other way around.” Too lost in the pleasure, Baekhyun isn’t able to give a response but another slap to his ass brings him back to reality. “Answer me.”

“S-she...she fucked me…” Baekhyun answers, eyes closing tight at the stimulation between his legs. 

“And how did she peg you huh?”

“She used a...strap-on.” Baekhyun answers shyly, cheeks reddening in embarrassment. He subtly moves his head away as if he could avoid the confrontation. 

“Such an obedient baby bottom bitch you even let girls peg you huh?” Shun asks mockingly, a cocky smirk invading his features.

“P-please put your cock in me now–” Baekhyun hiccups, too occupied by pleasure to even respond to Shun’s teasing remarks. 

Shun is more than happy to oblige, stuffing his cock back in the younger’s tight heat. 

And as Baekhyun comes undone on that night he feels what was left of himself completely slip away from his grasp. 

//

By the end of summer, Baekhyun had completely changed. And he wishes Chanyeol was still there to witness how he had done so. All out of pettiness, just to prove to the older that he didn’t need him anymore. 

Right after Chanyeol left, Baekhyun hadn’t heard anything at all about his ex. He disappeared all so suddenly, leaving no traces behind. Nobody knew where he went or what were his plans right after graduating in college. Baekhyun supposed the man was working now or he was running CEO in his step-father’s company. Either way, Baekhyun  _ thinks _ he doesn’t care.

_ Good for him.  _ His mind bitterly supplies. 

First day of his third year in college and Baekhyun already wants the school year to end. He dreaded the questions, the stares and the whispers he would hear.

It was impossible that none of the new people had learned about Baekhyun and Chanyeol breaking up at all. The rumors were as quick as wildfire, unstoppably spreading from mouth to mouth. Baekhyun was also sure they heard of what he has been up to during the summer break. 

Things he had done, explored, his late night escapades and all the shit he didn’t know if he wanted to regret.

Baekhyun’s assumptions are proven true when he arrives at the university, feeling all the pairs of eyes locked onto him. 

Baekhyun wonders how these people made up his and Chanyeol’s break up in their minds. He could only guess they were bafflingly outrageous. 

_ “I heard he whored around the entire break. They saw him a lot outside with Jay.” _

_ “Birds of the same feather really do flock together huh?” _

_ “I knew something was off when Baekhyun started hanging out with that Jay kid.”  _

_ “My friends say Baekhyun’s been sleeping with him.”  _

_ “Is that why he and Chanyeol broke up?” _

_ “Hundred percent sure! They say he cheated on Chanyeol.” _

_ “I always knew something was off about that slut. Acting like an innocent naive bitch but all that lies under that exterior is a sly fox.” _

_ “He’s not even that pretty.” _

_ “It’s a good thing they broke up, it’s not like he deserved Chanyeol anyway.” _

_ “Totally. I could swear Chanyeol’s actually straight and was forced to deal with that stupid bitch’s ass.” _

_ “Stupid whore.”  _

_ “You guys think I could hit him up and he’d agree to have sex with me?”  _

_ “Totally. Bet that bitch is easier than 1+1.” _

Baekhyun swallows as he lets the words and whispers sink into his mind. The laughter is occupying every corner of his mind, haunting him and making his blood run cold. His throat suddenly feels parched, mouth running dry. His chest tightens, signalling an impending attack as his breaths start to quicken.

He feels the tears pricking the corner of his eyes as he stays rooted on the ground, unable to move. The words echoed in his mind.  _ Whore. Whore. Stupid whore.  _

His knees buckled and he was afraid that if he didn’t move anytime soon, the entire campus would see him embarrassingly have a breakdown in the middle of the field.

It isn’t long before Baekhyun feels a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist. Baekhyun turns around only to meet face to face with Jay. The man hushes him, holding on his waist gently before pulling him to a more secluded place. It feels like that one afternoon in his sophomore year all over again. 

Jay whispers soft nothings into his ears as they walk, trying to get Baekhyun to calm before a panic attack could even happen. “Baby look at me.” Jay mutters slowly. 

Baekhyun in his haze manages to comprehend that, his doe eyes diverting to gaze back at darker ones. 

“Don’t listen to them hmm? You’re nothing like what they talk about.” 

“Except I am.” Baekhyun laughs humorlessly. “I’m so stupid Jay.” The younger boy breaks down. After all those months, Baekhyun lets out his first tears. His heart aches, his soul is slowly dying a painful death all over again. He was sure he was completely over Chanyeol but if the way he was sobbing over the fact he had lost Chanyeol, then he most probably still held feelings for his ex. And this is probably the most pathetic he’s ever seen himself. 

“They all hate me now.” Baekhyun cries, rubbing his hands against his eye like a sobbing kid. Jay could only tighten his jaw at that. “Why would it matter if the did? You still have me.”

“But you’re different—”

“Okay look—” Jay sighs in exasperation, brushing his hair back with his hands in frustration. “I’m here to take care of you. I won’t let these people hurt you so you don’t have to be worried about them at all.”

“W-why would you do that anyway.”

Jay scoffs. He looks away for a moment, shoving his hands down his pocket.

“God, was I too subtle or were you ignoring my signals on purpose?” Jay chuckles though it sounds forced to Baekhyun.

“I like you Baek.” Jay finally says, looking straight into Baekhyun’s eyes this time. Making sure he gets his point across and Baekhyun sees that he was indeed serious.

Baekhyun could only hitch a breath, mouth opening agape as he racks his brain for a decent response to the sudden confession. A long wind of silence passes by and Jay watches patiently how Baekhyun goes into a deep thinking mode like he wasn’t supposed to be replying to the person in front of him.

What was Baekhyun even supposed to say?  _ ‘Sorry I don’t think I can reciprocate your feelings because I am a stupid bitch who’s still hung up on his ex’? _

“Is it him?” 

Baekhyun turns his head away from Jay, feeling shame creep into his system. He suddenly feels a rough pair of hands holding his chin lightly as Jay makes Baekhyun face him again. 

“I can make you so much happier than he did.” Jay whispers almost inaudibly. 

“Treat you better.” One soft caress against Baekhyun’s jaw. 

“Kiss you better.” A rough thumb glides across his lips.

“Love you better.” Jay exhales, cupping Baekhyun’s small face in his hands. 

Baekhyun feels like he was being hypnotized. Coaxed with sweet intoxicating words that held tempting promises but entailed nothing good. Jay was so… _ pulling _ .

How was Baekhyun supposed to say no? How was he supposed to say no when Jay holds him like this? Looks at him like he was the best wonder of the world? 

Jay stood as Baekhyun’s anchor, being there for him when he needed it the most. And Baekhyun would be lying if he said there weren’t any feelings at all because the care and affection Jay had shown him was more than enough for his attachment to grow. 

Chanyeol was gone and there was no hope for them so he needed to forget about him soon. Baekhyun needed to let go and open himself up. And so he finally makes up his mind, only hoping that he wouldn’t ever want to regret this decision. 

“Okay.” Baekhyun breathes. “I’ll try…”

Jay smiles widely, pulling Baekhyun into a hug while the latter only buries his face into the older’s chest. 

//

Really, there wasn’t much that Baekhyun wished for. 

He didn’t want a sports car or a mansion. He didn’t want designer clothes. He didn’t want to be so rich that his daily dinners would consist of steak and a fancily cooked stick of asparagus.

Baekhyun simply wanted to have a comfortable life. One that was spent with the love of his life. One that was spent in a lovely home with Chanyeol and their kids. One where he could pursue his own passion. One that was peaceful and happy. 

Baekhyun also fucking wished his hands would stop shaking so terribly. His fingers had long been trembling into violent spurs of spasms that he started to feel every bit of his sanity disappear.

Baekhyun just wanted to finish his long due paper in literature yet his mind was already going places and not even his body wanted to cooperate.

Baekhyun’s phone lit up, a message notification popping up on the screen. 

_ Do Kyungsoo:  _

_ Are you free? Can we talk? _

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and shut the phone, carelessly throwing it to somewhere he didn’t bother looking at. 

Baekhyun’s mouth twitched. A familiar urge creeping to his system. Baekhyun was about three weeks clean and he certainly didn’t want to break his streak just because he couldn’t stop thinking of some person he was supposed to be forgetting. 

Yet as he tried to talk with himself and provide all the reasons not to continue, he failed miserably. With a groan of frustration, he slammed the book close and crawled from where he sat on the floor towards the nightstand. He hastily pulled the drawer and grabbed the pack of cigarettes that most probably had about two to four sticks left. Baekhyun reminded himself that he had to ask Jay to buy him another.

Baekhyun clearly knew the risks that came with smoking and it was something he did not expect to find himself doing either but Jay had told him how helpful it would be especially for the situation he had. So in a desperate chase for tranquility and ease, he hesitantly accepted Jay’s advice.

With fingers still spasming, Baekhyun pulled out a stick from the pack. He placed it between his lips and with much struggle, he rolled the metal wheel down with his thumb towards the ignition button. Three consecutive little sparks indicated failure, his shaky hands proving to be useless when he had his tics. Finally, the spark ignited the gas and he placed it near the butt of the cigarette.

Baekhyun took a drag, the end of the cig glowing brightly and with that, he felt the first wave of relief washing over him. His senses slowly calmed down and his rapid heartbeat raced to a steadier pace.

He threw the pack somewhere across the floor and scooted in the space between his bed and the nightstand. He took another drag and tipped his head back, leaning against the chipped painted walls. 

_ “Jay.” _

Baekhyun had whispered subconsciously, tapping his feet rapidly against the floor. His hands crept to his neck, breathing heavily as if he could feel the ghost of Jay’s lips trailing over it. 

Jay with no doubt, was a beautiful specimen. He was an artwork Baekhyun wouldn’t dare taint. With beautifully tanned skin that glistened with sweat, tall nose, a jawline perfectly shaped, and hair so perfectly styled, Jay made Baekhyun feel like a palace rat. Baekhyun was never confident about his looks. He did feel good when he was groomed and dressed up but he thought that not even that state of him would account to half of Jay’s beauty. 

His phone lights up from where he had thrown it and he just groans in frustration, reaching out to read the text. 

_ Do Kyungsoo: _

_ I’m gonna call you.  _

And soon enough, Baekhyun receives a call from Kyungsoo. It seemed like he had no choice now and he didn’t exactly want to be rude to his friend so he answered the call against his wishes.

“I heard about what you did.”

“Which one?” Baekhyun feels a bitter taste in his tongue at that. 

“You and Jay.”

“Mhm.”

“He’s not good for you.”

“And neither was Chanyeol but you guys held nothing against him.”

“Chanyeol is a better person than Jay could ever be.”

“Kyungsoo, it seems that you’re overstepping boundaries right now and I don’t really wanna be a bitch but if you’re gonna educate me about my relationships then I hope you don’t get offended when I drop this call.”

“We’re your friends and we are just trying to look out for you.”

“Well Chanyeol’s friends were my friends too and look where that got me? Sons of bitches dropped me and stabbed me in the back, so no Kyungsoo, I don’t exactly listen to friends anymore.” 

He spits furiously, feeling his temper reaching its peak and before he could say anything hurtful, he finally decides to end the call. 

The next day, Baekhyun finds himself basking in peace under the shade of the big old tree inside their campus. The boy sits quietly on a bench right beside the trunk, feeling the breeze kiss his face. 

The afternoon is mellow, the orange hue exuding some sort of solemnity in the lonesomeness. 

“Why would you do that?” 

Baekhyun turns his head to his left where he finds Jongdae suddenly sitting beside him. 

“Did what?” He asks in confusion.

“Say yes to Jay.”

_ Here we go again. _

“I like him.”

“No you don’t…” Jongdae deadpanned, hawk eyes darting straight at Baekhyun who refused to reciprocate the stare. 

Baekhyun knows just how much Jongdae hates Jay’s guts and while the guy might be a close friend, he doesn’t think he could ever trade Jay for Jongdae. He feels offended. Hurt and confused. It feels like all he’s ever been doing is wrong and he has oppositions from all sides, no one else siding with him.  _ No one but Jay. _

“You have no right to dictate my feelings for people.”

“Baek look, I’m just concerned for you. Jay isn’t exactly the best person in town and I suggest you break it all off with him as soon as possible. Everybody knows the type of shit he gets involved in. Heck, I don't even get why you’re still hanging out with him.”

“He takes good care of me. He loves me, he gives me everything I need. I don’t think you need to have any worries at all.” Baekhyun answers, gripping the hem of his shirt tightly. 

“You changed.” Jongdae remarks. 

“Yeah, heartbreak things.” Baekhyun humors, calmly leaning back onto the bench. 

“This is so not you. He changed you for the worse. I don’t even know you anymore.” 

“Jongdae please leave me the fuck alone if you don’t have anything nice to say.” Baekhyun says in exasperation. “I do not appreciate your concern and I do not appreciate you talking about Jay like that. He’s been nothing but an amazing boyfriend to me.”

“Baek–”

“I don’t fucking care! Leave me alone and never talk to me unless you finally develop an inkling of respect for the man I genuinely like.” Baekhyun spat, anger and guilt bugging his sanity. 

“If that’s what you want.” Jongdae says monotonously. “Don’t ever say we didn’t warn you.”

Baekhyun thinks it’s amazing and remarkable how he could lose two of his most trusted friends in just two days. Truly must be a talent to be so hard-headed and repulsive that he would have his best friends hating on his stupid ass.

But he couldn’t care less. Baekhyun’s life was falling apart at the seams and at this very moment, the only person he wanted to keep and the only person he didn’t wanna lose was Jay. So yes, Baekhyun didn’t give a shit if Jongdae and Kyungsoo had finally decided to ditch him. He had Jay and he had Jay’s friends who were all willing to accept him for who he was and who he wanted to be with.

Baekhyun could only breathe a dry chuckle at the difference in reactions from Jay’s friends and his best friends whom he’s had for two years now. 

The support and affection was all Baekhyun wanted– _ needed  _ and he was determined to get it no matter where it came from. 

_ And maybe Baekhyun really should have listened to Jongdae and Kyungsoo on that day. But how could he have known? How could Baekhyun have known that his desperate attempt to feel again, to find purpose for living and to find the warmth he had lost unwillingly, would be the very thing that brings him into his own ruin.  _

How could Baekhyun have known he’d be rendered helpless in the arms of this man. How could he have known Jay was a dead end? A trap? 

Baekhyun watches Jongdae turn his back on him, walking away and leaving him to suffer a future fate he knew nothing about.

// 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading all the way until here! I'm really open to comments so please do not hesitate to leave some :<
> 
> Stay safe and healthy!


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